After a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when my homeowners insurance company reimbursed me for my lost luggage.
You're probably thinking, "What a lovely insurer." But while it is lovely, it wasn't a surprise. At least not for me.
Throughout my adult life, I've regularly been well-insured. Once, as I was walking through my burnt shell of a house, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful debit card for my hotel bills. Even windshield-repair men frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my glass bill -- I have full auto glass coverage.
And whenever I've asked what I've done to deserve such treatment, the insurance adjusters have always said the same thing: My policy covers it.
If you're reading this, I'd hazard that you've already formed your own opinion about me -- and it won't be very flattering. For while many doors have been opened (and replaced, literally) as a result of my insurance, just as many have been slammed in my face -- and usually by my underinsured neighbors.
Only my friend Samantha's beauty has provoked as much envy and ill behavior from those less fortunate.
I'm not smug and I'm no actuary, but over the years I've been dropped by countless female friends who felt threatened by my good policies. If their partners dared to actually talk to me about term life insurance, a sudden chill would descend on the room.
Jealous neighbors have frozen me out of their lives. Insecure female bosses have tried to bar me from worker's comp claims.
And most poignantly of all, not one girlfriend has ever asked me to be her life insurance beneficiary.
I'm happily married, and have been for the past four years -- thanks to a wedding insurance policy that paid me when the florist didn't show.
Therapist Maureen Pier, author of "Ultimate Coverage," says that women have always measured themselves against each other by their successful insurance claims -- and it can make the lives of the well-insured very difficult.
"Many of my clients are insured, yet people are always astounded when I explain they don't have it easy," she says. If you have umbrella coverage and health insurance, people think you lead a perfect life -- which simply isn't true.
You'd think women would applaud each other for taking pride in our policies. Unfortunately women find nothing more annoying than someone else being the most insured girl in the room.
Take last week, out walking the dogs, a neighbor passed by in her car. I waved -- she blatantly ignored me. Yet this is someone whose sons have made slip-and-fall claims at my house, and whose insurer has paid me for dog-bite claims on countless occasions.
I approached a mutual friend and discreetly inquired if I'd made too many claims. She doesn't like me, I discovered, because she doesn't get "preferred" life insurance rates: The friend pointed out she is shorter, heavier and older than me.
So now I'm 41 and probably one of very few women entering her fifth decade with a long-term care insurance policy. I can't wait to start making Medicare claims.